{March 5, 2012}   My Random Thoughts of Life: On the search for Light in the World of Darkness

Good evening readers! I hope all is well with you all. How is your Lenten journey? Are you being still? Are you listening for what God is trying to show you? Are you letting go of what keeps you from hearing his voice? I hope so. Sometimes we get so wrapped in ourselves, our lives that we forget to take a breath and just talk with God. About anything really: life, our goals, our dreams, how we feel, etc. So take this time during Lent to really meditate, speak with God, thank him, and ask for strength or love if thats what you need. And remember you always have these things even when you don’t feel like you do. 

I guess that’s what I want to talk about today, strength and love. Two things that ultimately go together. We have to have to strength to love. But what is strength, just like the age old question what is love? Well both are relative and honestly if you are looking for an answer from me, I can’t give it to you. I can only give you a perspective, my own experiences. From there, you can develop your own. 

First strength….

Man for me strength was a long time coming. It was something I always had, but at many points in my life, I really didn’t believe I had it. I was too ashamed to ask for it to see it. When I finally realized how much strength God had given me, I was in a sense at my weakest point. I had fallen completely, on my last breath and had really given up. But the moment God gave me a second chance, told me this wasn’t it, I found that strength I had all long. And at my weakest moment, I lifted my own dead weight little by little to save myself. I found the strength to forgive myself, which is the hardest part. I found the strength to then forgive others. Then I found the strength to move on, to realize my purpose. Sometimes we fall so hard in life that we’re afraid to get back up. Life gives us the Heavyweight knock out of a life time and we figure, what now? Why get up? That’s when you really discover the strength God has given you, when you have to pick yourself up and start over. Its not easy, for any of us. It easier to just let life beat us then to fight to have life, to live life. But take it for me, the ripple of effect of giving up is far worse then fighting back. We can’t just lay down and die, be defeated when God gives us life time and time again because there is something wonderful we are suppose to do. A mark we are suppose to leave. But God can only do so much, can only lead us to the water so many times. We have to make the choice to drink from the river of strength, to discover the power within. I can’t stress this to you all enough that we have to listen, we have to see our second chances and not take them for granted. God wants to save us, he wants to help us but we have to take his hand because if we don’t how can he? 

This part is dedicated to my cousin and all those who just want to give up. DON’T. God believes in you and has lead to the strength you need to live life and not let it destroy you. You have the choice to take his hand and listen for your purpose. God places people in our lives who show you how much he loves you and wants you to succeed. If you can’t here his voice then listent to me, he told me he believes in you. That you are his child, that I am your sister, and that you will be okay. 

Now love…. 

Love is truly a strange thing. Maybe I obsess over it sometimes, trying to figure out the impossible. The idea, the so called emotion that has not true definition. So many times people try to tell others what love is but how can we tell another what love is? How love should be? When it’s a right to feel it, say it, or submit to it? So many times we are so busy trying to define the impossible, beat the impossible, run from the impossible, label the unknown, explain the unexplainable, when all the while love has it’s own stories. Each one never being the same. Each story unlike the first and the last. 

Maybe this is my epiphany. The realization that no one can tell what love is. When love will sometimes hurt, and how it will happen. And I can’t tell any of you either, no one can tell you. Not Romeo and Juliet or your mom and dad. Love is something personal, just like your relationship with God. It’s something we discover for ourselves but I do believe in order to find love, you have to see and feel God’s love first. You have realize how God loves you, in order to truly love another person and see their love for you. I think, and this is my own personal experience, that’s how love first hurts. I met my first love in college and I really couldn’t appreciate it like I should have. Neither one of us could, because we didn’t know God’s love of us individually. Our relationships with God weren’t right so naturally our relationship just wasn’t meant to be at that point, it just happened. We weren’t ready I guess. But in retrospect, looking back and talking to him about it, it was probably the realest love I had known with another person. It was something realized afterwards when I had learned God’s love first. How he doesn’t just love me for the good but for the bad. He accepts me for me. And while I did accept him, I couldn’t love him like I should have and vice versa. But that’s been my experience with love that it’s trial and error. You mess up with the first, make mistakes, and learn so that you love your last like God loves us, unconditionally. For better or for worse. Our love stories and ever afters will never be the same and while it gives us something to hope for, a love to call our own, it will be ours. It will be a story unlike any other. I recall this story my Aunt told me about her and my uncle. They were married 51 beautiful years (he died last May) and she told me she waited 9 years for him. Of course at the end of the 9 years she was close to ending it because she was tired of waiting but she knew that he wanted to be with her, even though he wasn’t ready but she knew he wanted to be ready for her. Now listening to that I learned the time old thing about love, you have be patient because good things come to those who wait. That sometimes sticking it out is better then being tortured by the what ifs. I mean its gamble but that’s love! Its not predictable, its not something that can measured, it is what it is. Now will I wait 9 years, probably not BUT am I willing to wait? Yes. I know my story won’t be hers and his, but so far the story is pretty good. No real complaints. And that’s where strength ties in with love….

Simply put you have to strength to love and to trust love. You have to trust yourself in order to trust love. You have to accept the strength from God in order to love like God. To be unconditionally in how you love. Some of us have this ideal relationship, mate, or person but that’s not reality and this isn’t a fairy tale. Prince Charming and Princess Jasmine don’t exist and the man or woman you meet can be just a pauper on the street. The beauty lies within, the soul is what matters, the heart not physical because it fades. Cartoons are immortal but newsflash…we aren’t. When I marry someone and spend my life with them, I want to see them at 80 years old the same way I saw them when we first met. I want to fall in love everyday for the littlest reasons and always at the end of the day go to bed with a smile. And ladies and gentlemen that takes strength in order to love like God. 

Peace Love and Happiness ❤ 



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